Even If It Kills Me
by Charlie-the-Spider
Summary: Gazzy knew he could never have him, but he promised himself that he'd keep on trying, even if it killed him.


**Author's note: Hey guys! Um, this is my first M rated fanfiction (oneshot), so um, bear with me? ':D Oh and, this is a Gazzy/Iggy Iggy/Ella pairing so if you don't like that, don't read any further, and DO NOT tell me I'm sick in your reviews and all, because -clearing it up- Gazzy is 14 and Iggy is 20 in this one. If you have anything to say, please review, I respect all opinions but still try to be respectful. :) Anyway, I'll let you read now, hope you enjoy it!**

**Summary: Gazzy knew he could never have him, but he promised himself that he'd keep on trying, even if it killed him.**

**_I do not own any of the characters, James Patterson owns them all._**

Even If It Kills Me

Waking up in the middle of the night, Gazzy found himself unable to sleep again. It wasn't worry or fear or something, these two emotions were so rare in his life nowadays. No, he wasn't worried, he wasn't scared, then what exactly woke him up?

Longing, a voice –no he didn't have a voice like Max, it was just a normal mental voice- ever so softly answered, and immediately he felt like he had been stabbed right in the heart. Why you might ask? Because it was _exactly_ what he was feeling.

Getting up slowly, Gazzy let his feet touch the cold, cold floor, let them adjust before he gathered up the courage to leave his warm, comfortable bed. He silently made his way out of his room and down the long corridor to stop at the last door before the stairs. Iggy's door.

Sighing heavily, Gazzy stood there, unmoving, while on the inside he was getting shredded to pieces as he had an inner conflict going on about whether to enter or to leave.

"Gazzy?" Came a voice from the inside of the room and the Gasman cursed himself for not having more stealth.

"Gazzy is that you?" Came the voice again and the Gasman gulped as he felt his throat go dry. Why was he here? He knew he shouldn't be here, knew it was just stupid, to keep on doing this to himself, to hurt himself just because he loved Iggy too much to let him go.

Gazzy stood there, silent, until the door slowly opened to reveal a tall young man with pale skin and strawberry blonde hair, but what was most noticeable about him were his pale, unseeing blue eyes, looking straight at Gazzy, and if Gazzy hadn't known he was blind he would have thought he could see him quite clearly.

Again, Iggy spoke, "Gazzy what are you doing here?" Iggy's now somewhat deep voice said Gazzy's name so gently it made his heart flutter.

"I-I couldn't sleep…" Gazzy said quietly, looking down at the floor then looking back up. "Can I- come in?" The question hung in the air for a second, both boys silent until Iggy gave the slightest nod –that without Gazzy's raptor vision he would have never caught- and quietly went back inside, leaving Gazzy standing there until he too followed Iggy inside, closing the door behind him.

They just lay there for a while, two boys who had always had something to discuss, now silent. It hurt, Gazzy realized, that they were once as close as brothers, and now just acted like strangers, just because he had been so selfish to want _more_.

Gazzy –of course- regretted it. He didn't regret the fact that he'd kissed Iggy, or the fact that he'd made love with Iggy so intimately that they both couldn't stop until they'd both passed out from exhaustion. No, what he regretted was that he had let Iggy get to him so easily, let him toss him away whenever Ella was around, and when he went back to Gazzy all pleading he'd welcomed him with open arms. Of course, regretting something has a different meaning than quitting something. Yes, Gazzy regretted everything related to Iggy, but he never quit Iggy. He couldn't. He was addicted to him, addicted to the very thought of him, and even though it disgusted him to no end –how could he ever sell himself?- he just couldn't quit him, because Iggy was his own, oh-so-delicious drug.

And that was why Gazzy soon found himself sitting on top of Iggy's waist, kissing him with a passion as the older boy slipped his hands under his shirt, pinching his two sensitive nipples harshly.

"A-aah- Iggy-" Gazzy cried but was silenced with Iggy's feverish lips that were sucking and biting at his with such a hunger it made the whole of Gazzy's body throb with excitement.

As they broke off for air, Iggy's hands took Gazzy's shirt off hurriedly while Gazzy's clumsy ones fumbled with his pants, and soon Gazzy felt surprise shoot through his body like electricity as Iggy's soft but experienced lips sucked on his soft, tender nipples, making his back arch and he had to make a serious effort not to let out any sound.

They spent a while doing that, teasing and testing each other's limit but that had to come to an end as the two boys' excitement doubled and almost spilled over and soon Gazzy found their positions swapped, his legs spread wide and Iggy sitting between them, a small bottle of lube sitting in his naked lap.

"Mm… You're so delicious…" Iggy complimented as he trailed hungry kisses on Gazzy's flawless, pale thighs.

"J-just do it already Iggy." Gazzy said in a sharp breath, hating Iggy so much at that moment that he loved him even more.

"Why so serious?" Iggy asked in that oh-so-calm tone of his that irritated Gazzy to no end as he put one soft kiss onto the top of his hardened dick.

"Because I just want to get this done with, unless you want to get caught by Ella?" Gazzy asked and quickly Iggy started putting lube on his fingers, "Yea, thought so." He stated and waited patiently to be penetrated.

Gazzy didn't have to wait long, and soon Iggy's long middle finger was slipping into his ass as easily as possible, and Gazzy didn't feel the tiniest bit of pain, and didn't feel it when another finger joined the first and the both were soon thrusting, turning, and scissoring in his ass, the only things Gazzy feeling were immense pleasure and immense disgust.

His fingers kept up the game of teasing until both boys got tired of it and in one quick movement, Iggy's big hardness was pushing into Gazzy's ready hole, both boys letting out different sounds of pleasure, one growling it and the other crying out, letting the whole room know of the pleasure he was having.

Gazzy's legs –being positioned on top of Iggy's shoulders now- bent to their very limit every time Iggy bent down to kiss him passionately as he thrusted hard and fast in Gazzy, both boys letting out imp-like grunts of pleasure as their bodies connected and disconnected again and again, sweat rolling off both of their bodies in exertion as the two neared their limit.

Gazzy was –as it was natural for a boy his age- the first to cum, an expert at barely making a sound while doing so, he waited for Iggy to reach his own end and the two boys lay there, exhausted and spent, their breathing coming in sharp, quick breaths.

"That was grea-" Iggy meant to say but was interrupted by a knock on the door, and time froze for both boys as they panicked before the knock came again to wake them from their waking dreams. Or nightmares.

"Iggy baby? Are you okay? I heard voices from your room." Ella's sweet voice traveled into the room to the two boys and for a second Gazzy toyed with the idea of Iggy leaving Ella for him right then and there, but it went crashing to the ground as Iggy cursed, got up, yanking Gazzy off the bed roughly and quickly changing the sheets.

Gazzy just stood there, staring, and soon Iggy noticed it as he was putting his clothes on.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Iggy whispered angrily, "Get dressed and get out of here!" He hissed and it clicked in Gazzy's mind what was happening and he quickly put on his clothes, tears filling his eyes but not showing them to Iggy.

He found Iggy's hands on his shoulders and for a second he thought he was about to hug him, but in the next he was pushed out of the window harshly, forced to spread his wings wide open in an almost painful way and pushing them up and down in the air several times before he gained altitude, and he turned just in time to see Iggy pull Ella into his lap on his bed, the bed the two just made love in, and kiss her as hungrily as he was kissing Gazzy, except there was something else in it: Love.

As Gazzy hovered there, he felt tears fall from his eyes to slide down his soft cheeks and finally fall off his chin. He wanted to beat himself up for crying, for even caring, because after all, no matter how much he cried, nobody would ever even care.

Gazzy lost track of time as he hovered there, watching the couple kiss, hug, talk and kiss again and as his tears started to run dry, he made one mistake: He sniffed.

He sniffed and Ella heard it and she quickly turned to look out the window, but before she could make sense of what she was seeing he swooped down under the window, ready to leave but wanting to hear what she has to say.

"I think I just saw Gazzy watching…" Ella hesitated as she said that and Gazzy's heart caught in his throat.

"Oh never mind him, he's a dork." Iggy said and Gazzy felt his breathing stop and pain exploded in his heart as he heard Ella giggle at that, and he quickly flew off to his room, stumbling throw the window, onto the floor, before collapsing onto his bed, his sobs at first quiet but then echoing in the darkness surrounding him.

Gazzy realized, for the second time that night, that it hurt. It hurt to hear those words come from Iggy. Iggy, the same boy who had always been there for him, understood him. Iggy, the same boy who broke Gazzy's heart when he declared Ella his. Iggy, the same boy who Gazzy visited that night, and the night before that. And Iggy, the same boy who Gazzy knew ,without a doubt, he will be visiting, the next night and every night, even if it killed him.


End file.
